On a golden crisp September morning, I said goodbye to the light and love of my life, Lola. She sat upon the window pane in a quiet room of the hospital, looking inquisitively at the world before her, her beautiful green eyes radiating against the bright rays of the sun. I wrapped her in her favorite blanket and rocked her softly in my arms. I told her I loved her, countlessly--God knows that I did. And soon those beautiful green eyes faded, faded, and they closed. She was asleep as the sunlight poured around us. I held her in my arms.
There are so many things I could say about her, how deeply she impacted my life, how ardently I adored her. She was, for lack of a better word, everything to me. She was Tuesday afternoons with a good book, she was snowfall brushing against my window, she was the warmth inside my cold bed. She was the cause of all my joy and the soother of my sorrow, the reason for my coming home.
Lola, I don't think there ever was a cat, or an animal, or a single human being on this earth who was loved, is loved, and will ever be loved more than you. You were my angel, my beautiful angel who loved back so faithfully, so unconditionally, that it oftentimes felt undeserved.
To say I will never be the same without you is an understatement. Nothing will ever be quite the same. The walk though the door after a long day's work will not be the same, the twinkle of our Christmas tree lights will change, the making of my bed will feel differently too.
But how much harder, and unpleasantly different, all the matter of my life would be without having had you in it at all.
I love you now, I'll love you next month, I'll love you when I'm old and grey and breathing my very last breath. And I will look out another window then, like you had, and take in the vast and closing wonder of the world. And I hope you'll be there too, my little girl. In fact, I know you'll be there, waiting patiently, as you always had, for me to come home.
October 28th, 1998 - September 6th, 2013
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I apologize for the long delay in updating you on my Martha's Vineyard trip,
but if you could please bear with me a little longer... I still need some time to grieve.
I hope to get back to regular postings by next week.
Thank you, everyone.